WIL DARCANGELO: Journal

Final performance at Cafe Destare tonight. It has been a wonderful year. Thank you all so much for your wonderful support. I loved every performance.

I have a new project in the early stages of development now and if all goes well, I should be performing regularly again in the area by the fall with my full 5-piece ensemble. Keep your fingers crossed and I'll let you know as soon as there's anything definite to tell.

After nearly two years, I have decided to appear in a stage production. Once I began singing my own material, I no longer had much interest in pursuing musical theatre in order to get paid to sing. But I knew that i wouldn't want to give it up entirely if the right project came along.

I have always admired Russell Garrett as a director and choreographer. He is the Artistic Director of Foothills Theatre Company in Worcester, Massachusetts (www.FoothillsTheatre.com) and has done a lot to bring Foothills forward in the past few seasons. They are mounting a production of "Falsettos" beginning May 10. I am playing the role of Wizzer. Russell Garrett is directing. if you would like tickets please visit the theatre's website.

SYNOPSIS:
March of the Falsettos is a musical with a book, lyrics, and music by William Finn.
A sequel to In Trousers, the one-acter continues the story of Marvin and his journey in search of self-understanding, inner peace, and a life with a "happily ever after" ending. His extended family consists of ex-wife Trina, son Jason, gay lover Whizzer, and psychiatrist Mendel, who complicates matters by becoming involved with Trina. By the end of the piece, Marvin is still unsettled, but he at least knows he has salvaged his relationship with his son.
Directed by James Lapine, the production opened on May 20, 1981 at Playwrights Horizons, where it ran for four months. It transferred to the Westside Theatre and continued for 268 performances. The cast included Michael Rupert, Alison Fraser, James Kushner, Stephen Bogardus, and Chip Zien. An original cast recording was released by DRG Records.
Finn completed his Marvin trilogy with Falsettoland, which eventually became, with March of the Falsettos, the two-act Broadway musical Falsettos.

I have always had this secret fantasy of being an advice columnist, so I contacted my friend Ruth Deamicis at the Winchendon Courier since I know they're always looking for volunteer columnists and asked if I could take a stab at one. Here is my first question and answer...

Dear Wil,
I am having a very hard time. I have never felt so depressed. I have begun counseling, but it's so hard. I hope that this is the bottom that I had to reach to get me to go in a new direction. I feel like I have been slowly slipping into an abyss, I am a little afraid that it is just going to get worse and I won't be able to recover. -Mark

Dear Mark,
I know the abyss of which you speak. I've been there too at different times of my life; counseling is a tough, but fruitful journey. And when I have gone through those periods when I needed that clinical ear to help me sort through some roadblocks, I try to console myself with the fact that I believe only good will come of it regardless of the difficulty. Things hurt right now because you are trying to grow out of old fears and old modes of behavior. Those things don't give up easily and require a bit of salt in the wound to heal. Try to find some comfort in that the fact that feeling the sting at all is proof that that salt's getting in there and doing it's job. All will be well. Stay in counseling and remain vigilant. Do yourself a favor and picture yourself being happy for a moment. Picture the "Ah! moment" when you take a sigh and think 'thank god that's over with.' Picture the feeling of relief that these present things are behind you finally and how good you feel. You know you're going to survive this. And unless you plan to be morbidly depressed for the rest of your life, you'll have to draw the conclusion that at some point you will feel better. Go forward to that point and just imagine it for one full second and the anchor will be dropped. You can go there any time you want and the more you do, the more answers out of the abyss will come. Every time you change the channel just a bit you get a different view.

Be Well, Wil


If you would like to have your question answered, please submit via email to wildarcangelo@gmail.com or visit www.WilDarcangelo.com for more information.

I was speaking today with Anna Griffin for an article in the Worcester Telegram and we spoke about the charitable aspect of my recent album Tuesday is the New Saturday. $20,000 from the first 5,000 units sold will go toward creating a professional performing arts mentorship and scholarship program for the City of Fitchburg. I said a few things on the topic and after our conversation I wrote this to her to elaborate on the thought:

It's all well and good to donate money to charity on the back end once you've made a buck. I prefer to donate on the front end where it has the ability to not only raise money, but awareness. I am not comfortable making a commercial product that doesn't have a charitable element attached to it. I have always been that way. I catch hell for it sometimes too, actually, because as a musician, you are occasionally hovering around the lower tax brackets in the early years. But I still can't stop myself, early years notwithstanding. So even as my career develops, if I live simply, saving room for some comforts but not excessive, there's more left over to spend my money the way I REALLY want to. And isn't that what everyone wants to do with their money? Spend it on the stuff they want? I want to build things. I want to create programs. I want to produce ideas and have the money to fund them. I want to get society to think differently about the educational approach. I want a platform from which I can advocate growth from within, education as a solution, and encouragement as a method. That's who I want to be in the world. And my community is my teacher.


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I was asked to be the Master of Ceremonies for the Inaugural Gala for Lisa Wong. I was given two opportunities to speak. The first greeting of the 500 guests and then after dinner, I Introduced the Mayor for her commentary.


GREETING

Good evening. My name is Wil Darcangelo and I am a native of this City. Among other things, I am the Artistic Director of the Rollstone Performing Arts Series in Fitchburg, I’m the resident jazz vocalist at Café Destaré, and I’m also a part-time substitute teacher at Fitchburg High School.

On my second day at the high school, I was sitting in the teacher’s lounge at lunch where a few teachers were looking over a set of statistics. It listed, by grade, the percentage of FHS students that were failing school. The teachers felt that the figure was biased because – among other problems with the collection of the data – it also included students as failed who never even came to class. How could they fail if they’d never even been there? When the paper came around to me, I took out my green fine point magic marker and where it said 36% failing I wrote 64% passing and likewise re-envisioned the remaining statistics. Not inaccurately, but a new view of the same fact. The hard work of these five teachers was suddenly on trial and when we as a society spend our energy highlighting failure, only greater failure can be the result; and I said so to these teachers.

It’s only a small shift of language to place our energy on our strengths. The same facts can be gleaned from “64% passing” as “36% failing” – but which seed are you watering?

We have with us tonight a small selection of our world. A selection of dignitaries and citizens, of business owners and consumers, artists and patrons. We come from many corners, but it must be that we have at least one important thing in common: We believe in the future of the City of Fitchburg. We are people who are choosing to focus on our strengths knowing that it is the surest road to the elimination of our shortcomings.

After I had said my peace to the teachers I begged their pardon if I had spoken out of turn – for I am not a qualified teacher. And one of them said to me, “Well, you taught us something.”

And we do want to be taught. We do want to learn and grow and see what wonderful things may come of it. We want to be directed to see the things that make us great if only to prove to ourselves that greatness is not only possible, but that we’re already well underway.

But we have asked for this. If we were not ready for someone as exceptional as our new mayor she would not be with us tonight. We have been asking to thrive, and have not given up, and our good intentions have rewarded us with brand new possibilities. Who would have guessed ten or fifteen years ago that we would feel about the future of Fitchburg as we do tonight?

Do yourselves a favor. Enjoy this night immensely. For we have earned it. And let the warmth of this evening ever after bless us all.




INTRODUCTION

They say that those who are adopted are even more special because they were chosen. Lisa Wong is not our biological mother. But by Lisa Wong we have been chosen. We. All 39,000 of us. Chosen by a brilliant, young, parent, I’ll call her, who like any new parent looks into our eyes and sees in us all the hope for the future; all the wonderful possibilities. All the dreams – both formed and unformed. All of our vast, vast creativity and unique qualities that until now have only been hinted at; for we are a bit of an onion after all. We have needed someone young and brave; we have needed someone who will peel back the layers despite the inherent tears and difficulties. We have needed a champion who will build on the good intentions of her predecessors. We have needed a silver lining.

I remember what this City felt like 30 years ago to an eight year old. I remember saving my quarters all summer waiting for Old Fashioned Bargain Days and never once being disappointed by it. I remember Parke Snow’s and Roger’s and Fanny Farmer Candies, and the huge Christmas tree made of lights on the side of the flatiron bank building downtown every year. At the Fitchburg Theatre where I worked when it was still a single movie house I remember seeing my very first R rated movie – Porky’s incidentally.

I also remember being as surprised by the idea of Fitchburg having a bad reputation as I was that people thought disco sucked. I was shocked by both of those ideas. And saw no direct evidence of them. Disco was awesome and so was Fitchburg in my mind. I didn’t know what they were talking about. Fitchburg is so beautiful. A perfect little valley and a perfect little river with perfect little buildings surrounding a perfect little common. Perhaps I am naïve. Perhaps I should have someone show me a set of pie charts and graphs that prove we’re not as wonderful as I think we are. But where would that get me? I don’t want to look at what we’re not. I want to spend my energy and my good thoughts on what we are. And so does our shiny new mayor.

You may be surprised to find that tonight is not specifically about the fact that the City of Fitchburg has voted for Lisa Wong. It is about the fact that long ago Lisa Wong voted for us.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to present Her Honor, the Mayor of the City of Fitchburg, Lisa Wong.


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Exactly one year ago today I fulfilled my New Year’s resolution to put my band together. By February we were beginning to rehearse some of my original music and in the spring we had even recorded some early material. By late April – through a series of highly “coincidental” circumstances – we were offered our first regular headline performing jazz standards right in downtown Fitchburg at a beautiful brand new Manhattan-style martini lounge named Café Destaré. I started playing both Saturdays and Tuesdays, but I knew from the first that Tuesday was going to be the better night. I was right. Saturdays are fun, but Tuesdays have a sophisticated adult clientele that is perfect for the type of music my band is playing right now. I stopped playing Saturdays altogether and focused my market towards the Tuesdays.

Right from the start, my band proved to be a perfect blend of jazz and other genres of music, earning for ourselves the description of “infused jazz;” meaning that the group was playing predominantly jazz, but while constantly under the influence of gospel, rock, funk, folk, blues, latin and nearly any other genre of music we could use to blend our unique sound. Jazz infused with other sounds. I was in heaven right from the start. I love to doing things my own way and the traditional improvisational nature of jazz performance plus the opportunity to blend other styles made it so that I can always be myself. Which was not something that I could do back in the days of musical theatre.

The first several weeks were pretty quiet. A small regular following was developing, but there just weren’t enough people coming in. After having performed at Destaré for about a month, I was contemplating the direction I wanted to take when I thought of the phrase “Tuesday is the new Saturday.” I literally jumped out of my chair at the thought. It’s not that it’s a genius statement or anything – but it suddenly galvanized for me the idea that making Tuesdays successful – like the rest of my black-sheep ideas – is all about thinking outside the box. Tuesday IS the new Saturday. Think differently. Who cares if Tuesday isn’t a traditional night out? If people like me and we take the time to develop our market, Tuesdays would be great. So the partners at Destaré and I held on to see what would happen.

By early November the word was out in full force and my last four appearances for 2007 were to full houses. All of them Tuesday nights. Tuesday is the new Saturday.

On Tuesday, November 13 we released our debut cd “Tuesday is the New Saturday.” A compilation of classic American standards performed my own way and one original jump swing tune named “Tuesday is the New Saturday” composed by me to celebrate the future success of Tuesdays at Café Destaré. The song is dedicated to the Tuesday night staff at Destaré back during those early weeks when I was first getting my feet wet as a jazz vocalist. Jenny Carrion, Kristina Cleveland, Cassandra Heilig, Robin Streb, Carolyn Gray & Jeremy Durrin all cheered me on every week and made sure that the audiences clapped. They learned the words to my original music and I couldn’t have asked for better cheerleaders. The final verse of “Tuesday…” is written specifically to them:

“You make me feel a million dollars every time I stand here
Singing you a love song or two.
I’m talking ‘bout a night of the week that I live for.
I’m talking ‘bout a night when I’m new.
And in case you ever wonder who this love song is meant for,
I’ll tell you right now that it’s you.”

The album release party on November 13 at the club was a huge success and we sold enough albums in the first two weeks to pay for our first real shipment of 1,000 copies of the album. And Tuesday IS the new Saturday…

The most astonishing part of all this is my band, really.

The Reverend Jim Rice is my pianist and arranger. He is such an accomplished musician and music arranger that I don’t even know how I got so lucky to know him, much less get to work with him. He has arranged music for me for symphony orchestra as well that is just breathtaking. For those who don’t know what an Arranger is, he’s the one who takes a basic song and then defines what everyone in the band or orchestra plays as individuals so that the entire package comes out the way you want it to. It’s so crucial to have an arranger who knows musicians and how to communicate with each of them based on a broad knowledge of all musical instruments and their proper notation. If a professional musician sits down to a clean, clear, well-prepared chart, there is little that can go wrong. But when you put a good musician in front of a badly prepared chart, all hell breaks loose and the first thing to go is the musician’s respect for the vocalist – even before a note is played. A major reason why my band sounds as good as it does is because I have immaculate charts that don’t get in the way of the virtuosity of my players. That’s the Reverend Jim Rice. He doesn’t get to play with me that often, but he does when he can and he appears on the album. Just listen to the killer piano on the title track and you’ll know how amazing he is.

On drums is Pieter Struyk (pronounced ‘strike’ which is interesting considering he’s a drummer!). I met Pieter the same way I met Rev Jim Rice, at Foothills Theatre Company in Worcester where Pieter often plays in the pit orchestras of the musicals staged there. I was the Production Manager/Assoc. Producer there for the 2000-2001 season and then acted there professionally as well for the subsequent two seasons. I got to know a number of musicians over that time and Pieter was among my favorites. Such an amazing spirit and nothing but a smile on his face. Everyone loves Pieter. And I haven’t even described his amazing talent yet, either. He has AMAZING talent. Such precision and care. He’s with me almost every gig I play and what he contributes to the style and impact of my music cannot be underestimated. Music lovers tend to take percussion for granted, but believe me, they shouldn’t. If they had any idea of what a drummer really contributes, they’d know how dependant upon and grateful I am for someone like Pieter.

My bassist is Steve Skop. Steve is my primary jazz performance teacher, I’d have to venture. Steve stands behind me at every gig and feeds me encouragement and ideas as we go along. Keep in mind, I’ve never been a jazz performer before Destaré offered me a job doing just that, so there was a lot for me to learn about the genre. All I had working for me is a decent voice and some stage presence to bring to the mix. But there is so much more to this type of performance of which I had no idea getting started. How the band communicates with each other on stage is a huge facet that most people would never notice. It’s a complicated language: partly spoken, partly signaled, and partly musicalized form through which the band knows who’s going to solo at the next interval, where to jump to in the piece, and how to improvise the ending, among myriad other things. They all listen to me too, as a matter of fact, and they know just what to do when I decide to try something new on the spur of the moment. Steve Skop is my primary teacher of these things and I feel well-educated. Less comfortably, but no less important, is what Steve teaches me about the mistakes I make. Usually those mistakes are about being a bandleader, not just a performer. They are lessons in managing a band and the things a musician needs in order to give their best possible performance. I have made several mistakes in this area and my band have always been kind about it when these gaffes are made. Steve always explains what’s expected and I make the corrections to the best of my ability. And now I can talk about his playing! Superb! He has this great gift for quirky solos. I don’t know if he’d like knowing that I describe his solos as ‘quirky’ for they are not always like that – sometimes they’re beautiful and dignified, but I like the quirky ones he does best. They have this distinct personality that I love and don’t hear in other bassists now that I listen more carefully. It’s like he has the ability to keep up with MY quirkiness and play right into it. If I played bass, I’d want to play like Steve.

Zach Chadwick is my woodwind player – which means mastering all manner of clarinets, saxophones and flutes – and he is a young genius, I just know it. Only in his late 20’s, and the only member of my band that doesn’t make a full time living at it, Zach has the taste and style of a much older player. His parents play in the symphony orchestra in which I made my symphony debut, the Thayer Symphony Orchestra and now that I get to perform with their son, I see where his talent comes from. His improvised solos are so much fun, I sometimes forget to start singing again when they’re over and it’s my turn! I have my fingers crossed that when Zach finally leaps into the full-time music world that he so richly deserves, that it’s because he’s being regularly employed by ME!

Kevin Grudecki is my guitarist and if you ask my band who the most talented player is they’d all say Kevin, I bet. I feel as though I yet haven’t scratched the surface of what this man is capable of and I can’t wait to find out. Kevin came on board mostly on the recommendation of Steve, Pieter and Zach and I’m so lucky to have him. Every time he plays with us the band gels into this beautifully structured machine where all facets seem to communicate with each other effortlessly. I’ve worked with only three musicians (piano, bass & drums), four (add Zach), and five including Kevin, and five is definitely my favorite. Somehow everyone knows what to do when they’re all together in a way that is far greater than the sum of even these wonderful parts. It’s like Kevin is some sort of miracle whip…lol. Given the improvisational nature of this type of performance, the interpersonal dynamics of the band is an essential component in giving a good jazz performance. It’s not like everyone has a pre-arranged music part that they have only to play the notes as indicated. These musicians have VERY little to go on and improvise the bulk of it. If they can’t communicate with each other or if they are too self-interested, the group improvisation could fall apart. Kevin brings this wonderful cohesion to the group and very clearly influences our style at every turn. My band is going to develop over the course of this year into a really unique and amazing organism and Kevin will be at the forefront of that development.

Given the fact that my musicians all work regularly in the music field (teaching, performing, etc), they aren’t always available when I need them, so they book substitutes to play for them in these instances. I have learned to trust implicitly the subs that my band choose to occasionally replace them and I have worked with a lengthy set of some amazing musicians this year because of this. Shane Wood, pianist, is one that I used most often this year. He’s smooth, cool and relaxed. He has great style and “plays well with others” would definitely go on his report card. Grammy-nominated jazz pianist Joe Parillo is another player that I used during the summer months several times and I’d play with him again in a hearbeat. He lost the Grammy that year to John Williams, by the way. Tom Hojnacky is the third sub pianist I’ve worked with this year and though I’ve only played with him twice, I look forward to the future. He’s got a fantastic ear and improvises fantastic solos. On the bass, Mike Goodspeed and Bob Simonelli have subbed in for Steve and they both gave fantastic, well-polished performances. On drums, both Dan Hann and Bill MacGillveray (who is also played with the Thayer Symphony Orchestra for my performances with them) give great performances while at the same time managing to exude the same wide-smiled enthusiasm that Pieter gives in every performance. I’d greatly miss that part when Pieter is absent and it’s a large part of our package as a band.

On saxophone, I’ve had two subs as well this year. Tom Herbert is a great player and his sax solos brought down the house the one occasion I got to work with him. Neil Kruszkowski has sat in with me just to jam on a couple of occasions and once I actually got to hire him. Neil is a huge find. Just recently moved to the Leominster area, few know he’s here yet. He plays every Thursday at the Harley House in Lunenburg with one of my other regular subs, Shane Wood. He plays entirely by EAR!

I feel so blessed to be learning from these men, that I just wanted to share it. They have been unfailingly kind and generous with their talents and they are making me into the type of musician I most want to be. Thank you, guys… happy new year.

This year is going to be amazing, I just know it. A new album, a new band, a new direction. I’m good to go.


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We had a WONDERFUL release party last Tuesday at Destare. So much fun. It was packed and everyone dressed up. We sold about 50 cds that night and we're closing in on the first 100. Once that happens we can pick up the next 1000 copies and then begin the online distribution. Talking to a record label and have contacts with a good promoter now. People are staring to become interested now that there's some solid product to wave around. I feel so blessed.


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That's probably more of a filmmaking vernacular than a recording one, but it still applies. All the tracks have been recorded and mixed and are waiting for final approval before mastering. The album release has been reset to Tuesday, November 13th with a party to be held at Café Destaré that evening. My entire five-piece band will be there (usually I have only been budgeted to perform with 3 musicians and occasionally 4) and the night promises to be a fun one. The Billboard Project is well underway as well with Worker's Credit Union signing on this morning as Principal Sponsors. I am seeking the remaining sponsorship money now and the billboard will be up in time for the release if all goes well.

With all that's been happening, I have become overwhelmed as of late with the unqualified support I am and have received from the City of Fitchburg and the people here. So much so that yesterday I wrote a Letter to the Editor of the Sentinel & Enterprise. Here is what I submitted:

Letter to the Editor
Sentinel & Enterprise
24 October 2007


My name is Wil Darcangelo and I’m a vocalist, songwriter and cultural advocate from, of, and for the City of Fitchburg. It is in this letter that I wish to express at least a fraction of my gratitude to the City that has raised, supported, sponsored and educated me. Many people here know who I am and what I stand for as a believer in the elevation of culture and education on the hometown level; I strive everyday to be effective in that intent. But that intent would be practically worthless if it weren’t for the fact that the people here have embraced me and given me every available opportunity to develop myself as both a performer and social entrepreneur. This City has given me my best venues of education toward my intent. It has witnessed my first performances with our beloved Thayer Symphony Orchestra, my concerts with the Rollstone Performing Arts Series at Rollstone Church, and now my regular Tuesday appearances at what is arguably the best jazz venue for fifty miles: the new Café Destaré.

The City government has proven itself to be on my side as well, giving me unprecedented approval to apply for a soon-to-be-installed large illuminated billboard that will help to promote both my Tuesday night appearances at the club as well as the coinciding November 13 release of a new jazz fusion album entitled “Tuesday is the New Saturday.” This album will help to raise scholarship money for Fitchburg’s graduating seniors interested in pursuing the performing arts. The government of this City has embraced my intent and given its blessing; I am truly grateful. Even this newspaper – the Sentinel & Enterprise – continues to prove its support of my intent by helping to promote my projects at every turn. WEIM and our beloved Ray C have broadcast my music repeatedly, giving me the opportunity as a result of those broadcasts, to become a member of ASCAP and further develop myself as a serious professional musician.

I wish to direct very special gratitude to the partners of Café Destaré, Lance Dellogono, Paul Goguen, and Chris Iosua. Their vision to bring live music and sophistication to the downtown area has added dimension and breadth to the new cultural renaissance that our City is beginning to experience. They have believed in me from the very first and have given me a wonderful environment in which to hone my skills as a national music product. I could never have been given better opportunities in New York or Los Angeles regardless of my perceived talents. Their continuing support of my steadily growing Tuesday appearances at Destaré proves that their intent is genuine and on par with those of other cultural leaders in our community. Building a following for a Tuesday night isn’t easy, especially when it’s so out of the box from our former cultural experience here. But due entirely to their diligence and care, every week there are new faces showing up on a Tuesday evening and staying out just a little bit longer on a weeknight to sit in awe at what they have accomplished here. I am in awe as well. I am so proud to be able to believe in my own future and know that this self-confidence is predicated entirely on the emotional investment of these men and the people who attend to it. Thanking them publicly seems to be the only fitting way of expressing my deep gratitude.

The City of Fitchburg has given me literally every best opportunity I have ever had in my career to prove to the world that good and worthy product can be developed and supported on the hometown level. This City has given me the ammunition to bring my product to wider audiences and show them the success of this model in turn. It has given me courage, strength, sponsorship dollars, gainful artistic employment, and the fortitude to face the unknown.

Thank you. I am in your service.

with great respect, Wil Darcangelo


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self-ish (sel′fsh) adj. 1 motivated by personal needs and desires to the disregard of the welfare or wishes of others. 2 Proceeding from or characterized by undue concern for self. -self′ish•ly adv. -self′ish•ness n.

It’s the parts about “disregard…of others” and “undue concern for self” that I find the most damaging to the overall purpose of Selfishness as a practice. There is more to a word than just its practical and widely-accepted definition. In fact, there is nothing in the etymology of the word ‘selfish’ to suggest that it means anything other than the fact that it is indicative of action that has the subject’s own interests in mind. It does not comment on that fact to suggest that it’s a sinful behavior or that it is an action done to the exclusion of other’s needs as well. The 1975 Doubleday Dictionary from which I’m quoting the definition says, or rather repeats, that it’s a bad thing and, quite understandably, so do you. However, the word itself does not.
Most interestingly, the word ‘selfish’ isn’t even in the bible. There were no words for ‘selfish’ in Greek and Hebrew. There are words for ‘self’ in Greek and Hebrew, but they refer mostly to body and bone as opposed to the more total picture of body, soul and awareness. For example, in Exodus 21:3 the English reads, "he shall go out by himself," but the text literally says, "he will go out with his body." Interesting concept actually. If ‘he’ is not his body, what is going out with it? Ironically, this particular passage of the bible is about the rules of purchase in the slavery trade.
According to askalinguist.org, the word ‘selfish’ was coined by a Presbyterian archbishop in 1640 who had need of it in “reference to the acts of 1640.” That the word has no sound etymology should no longer be surprising. Its creation was borne from a need to create more judgmental adjectives and it is therefore not a word originally, but an idiom. Jargon. The language of his profession.
So we use ‘selfish’ to mean someone who thinks of themselves too much. But too much according to whom? At what point is it ok and at what point is it too much? For it would appear you should never be thinking of yourself, right? You should always think of others before yourself. And even then, you should still think of others. So, never think of yourself ever, because there’s always someone else on which you can focus your attentions thereby relieving yourself of any and all obligation to deal with your own issues.

If we break down the word’s actual structure…

self- combining form 1 Of oneself or itself: self-analysis. 2 By oneself or itself: self-employed 3 In oneself or itself: self-absorbed 4 To, with, for, or toward oneself: self-satisfied 5 In or of oneself inherently: self-evident.

That’s beautiful, actually. Poetic. No judgment at all. In fact, there’s even a hint of pride and drama in the sweep of its definition. Analysis. Occupation. Passion. Satisfaction. Evidence.
In other words, Experience. Experience=Self. You are the sum of your experiences.

-ish suffix 1 Of or belonging to (a national group): Danish. 2 Of the nature of; like: clownish. 3 Verging toward the character of: bookish. 4 Somewhat; rather: tallish. 5 Informal Approximately: fiftyish.

In a nutshell, ‘-ish’ means being, becoming, emulating or approximating. I’m not misinterpreting that, am I? That archbishop created the word because there was something that needed describing. That something was related to self. And we were still developing what ‘self’ meant. Millennia ago, the words for ‘self’ referred to the tangible. Bone and flesh. Spirit was separate; an entity unto itself housed ignominiously in rotting flesh. By 1640, the archbishop certainly wasn’t blaming the flesh alone for committing sin. Or was he? If previously, the only words for ‘self’ referred only to the flesh, then the use of ‘–ish’ juxtaposed to that concept by a religious leader brings an entirely new meaning likely unintended by its creator. And one that would explain exactly what type of sin it was that might have needed describing as well.

That archbishop created a bit of an oxymoron, though. His original use is about the body, but the two parts of the word ‘selfish’ can only indicate a meaning of wanting to be aware, wanting to know, wanting to emulate, wanting to be. A concept that’s entirely spiritual and growth-oriented.



When I was in acting school, we were taught that, “There is no such thing as an unselfish motivation.” In other words, when approaching a scene, part of your preparation should be to examine what the character stands to gain or might want to gain in the course of the scene or play as a whole.
And I started to think that there must be a point at which you draw the line. A point at which it’s ok to have a selfish motivation and a point at which it’s not. But that didn’t sit well. That wasn’t what was concerning me. What concerned me was that if it was a good concept—a valid one—it would be applicable to all scenework. Not just some of them. And if it was a good acting concept (keeping in mind that examination of the craft of acting is the examination of human behavior itself), its universality would have to extend to real life as well.
After a great deal of thought, I realized that there was no flaw in the concept as pertains to scenework. I could find a selfish motivation for every character in the play without difficulty. Then again, it was a play about reprehensible people and selfish motivations were the whole point of the plot.
And so, I started examining my daily actions to discern the selfish motivation within.
And then on my way home one evening I gave $5 to gentleman who asked for change. What was the selfish motivation in that action? And come to think of it, how was any generous act selfish? What about altruism? Which is defined as “the unselfish devotion to others” by my trusty Doubleday. And yet, we do give. So if there was any credence at all to the philosophy, there must be something selfish about giving $5 to a bum on the street. And there is. We do nice things because it makes us feel good. It connects us to Source. And it’s rarely anything more than that.
I learned a little bit about human nature in acting school. Which is interesting considering the fact that it’s a formalized training the goal of which is to make you better at pretending to be human-ish.



So, I am suggesting that from now on, everything you do should have your own best interests at heart. Be selfish. Do only those things from which you can receive benefit.
Ah, but then it becomes a matter of where you look to see the benefit to you. What is your line of sight? Consider past the immediate gratification we cling to in this adolescence of our spiritual evolution and think about how we really are affected by the things we do. The long-term. The far-reaching.
What ye sow, so shall ye reap.
And speaking of agriculture, what might those who clearcut rainforests for their own gain be called? Well, that’s more like a complete lack of selfishness. A complete lack of awareness of self as it pertains to the whole. The inability to receive from Source.
So, here’s where it comes in that God made man in his own image. And about that image…was it total? Was it metaphoric? Was it that our souls in their true form look like a mini-God? Or that He looks like a big hairy person?
If we’re made in His image, are we like glow-in-the-dark plastic people on God’s dashboard? Or are we made of the same stuff as God? If God were to make an image of Himself, what other materials would He use? What does a Mother use to make her child? A part of herself, of course.
And in the spirit of that (no pun intended), if we are made of the same stuff as God, we would have within us the ability—however comparatively short-sighted—to see ourselves as God sees us. The bigger picture. The repercussions of an act. For that is really the loss of innocence: the realization of cause and effect. The awareness of implication. That was really what Adam and Eve both lost and gained in the taking of the fruit. They knew a little bit more of the Big Picture and innocence was lost to them forever. I personally see it as a good thing even if the old views of the church see it as the first example of blasphemous disobedience to God.
But I don’t think God wants us to be obedient. I think He wants us to break the rules and question them and see if we notice what happens when we do. He applauds us when we figure it out and He nudges us when we stray. He nudges us in our design. When we don’t act in the positive spirit of Selfishness, we simply don’t feel good. That’s the perfection of being a Self-Correcting Mechanism. I think that we don’t often enough look to God as a parent with whom we may fight, and disobey, and learn from, and love in the way we love something that no matter what we do, will still love us. We always fear that God will stop loving us, or perhaps, already has. And if someone’s own parent had done that, how could it be imagined by them that God wouldn’t? The image of God has become one of fear versus respect. But that very concept is the thing that prevents us from seeing things as God might see them. It calls the very idea an arrogance. But I say it is not arrogant to want to see things as God sees them. If we emulate God in our own way, from our own perspective and with the tools He gave us, we stand a chance of seeing a much larger picture. One that might include a better idea of how to go about getting what you want. Or, better still, wanting something different.

There is a point at which it first dawns on us that what is in our best interest is the best interests of others. It is here where we have finally earned the responsibility of the care of our people. It is a car with an unlicensed driver until then. Too few selfish choices are made. Too much self-destruction. Too many things done that are not in our best interest.
If we only behaved just a bit more selfishly, the world would change forever. The statement is perfect in its balance. It may be viewed through the argument of either direction and both arguments are true. If we only behaved just a bit more selfishly, the world would change forever.


Selfish. Be selfish. Repeat after me: I will be more selfish. Again. I will be more selfish. Again. I will be more selfish.
Imagine walking along a treacherous mountain trail, sheer rise on one side and sheer drop on the other, and there is one hiker in front of you and one behind. The one behind you doesn’t care for himself. He thinks poorly, he eats poorly, and he smokes. In fact as you hike, he’s smoking with his free hand. But the hiker in front of you is well trained. In shape and interested in the terrain. She’s hiked this trail before and loves it. She hikes it all the time because it makes her feel good. She’ll show you all the nice spots.
The hiker in front is Selfish. The hiker in the rear is Selfless. If you were to loose your footing, to whom would you reach first? Which of these two hikers better suited to be of service?


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The new album "Tuesday is the New Saturday" is underway! Band tracks were recorded on Monday and the vocals and instrumental solos get laid down this week... This is going to be a really great album. Last night at Destare we premiered the original song that will go on the cut, my new jump-swing tune "Tuesday is the New Saturday" to rave success. So gratifying! There will be 11 tracks in all on the album including really groovy versions of "The Nearness of You", "My Funny Valentine", "At Last", "Some Enchanted Evening", "Come Fly With Me", "Let's Do It", "And I Love Her", "Anything Goes", "Only You", and "All of Me". The album will release on November 6 and will be available here on the site as well as at the club and other places. Wider distribution deals are being discussed next week. Keep your fingers crossed!


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Tuesday nights at Destaré are cookin! I'm enjoying my regular night there IMMENSELY! A nice regular crowd has been building... 20-somethings and 60-somethings and everyone in between. It's so gratifying to see such a diversity of people. There's been a happy resurgence of interest in the classic American standards thanks to artists like Michael Bublé and others. Songs like "I Get a Kick Out of You" and "At Last" still have such a beautiful and lasting impact on music lovers. And I add to that more contemporary material from the Beatles, Elton John, soon Joni Mitchell and Pink Floyd and I'm increasingly adding my own original music to the sets as well - to great response. Definitely check me out on Tuesdays if you get the chance. Tuesday is the new Saturday! Café Destaré 320 Main Street, Fitchburg, MA

The Destaré Billboard Project is underway! Check out photos of the proposed billboard on the Photos page.


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This is a meditation I wrote and delivered on 13 September 2007...

What occurs when you speak to God? Do you speak to God? Do you feel worthy of such an act? I hope so. For I’m sure you are.

What is your opinion of yourself, really? Do you think you’re perfect at everything you do? Do you even think you’re good at everything you do? If you were to ask your soul what it thinks of you, what would its answer be? Think on that for a moment. If your soul were asked the question What do you think of this person? do you think it would have a bad opinion of you? I think it would have a glorious opinion of you. For it knows you – it is you. But without the fear and without the self-doubt and judgment we heap upon ourselves while we as spiritual beings move through this human experience. It knows the pure you. It is the pure you. And what might your soul think of you? Does your soul judge you because you procrastinate when it knows to root of your procrastination as well as the solution for it? Does your soul judge you harshly when you say hurtful things or does it know the pain you feel and weeps with you when you lash out in anger? What would your soul really think of the choices you make knowing what it knows? What would God think, for that matter, assuming there is a difference between you and God at all? Something tells me that the answer would be: THEY ARE PERFECT JUST AS THEY ARE.

I don’t find this to be a particularly difficult argument to make. I think that we do believe that God loves us and that if created in his image – an image of perfection – we must have been created in perfection. Can you ever un-bless a thing? If God himself blessed you with perfection in your making, could it ever be taken back or diminished?

Well, how about forgotten? Have you forgotten your perfection? Have you forgotten that perfection is not a goal? It is a constant.

We treat the concept of Perfection as though is it some point on a map with no known roads between it and us. We treat the idea that we are divine as if it were some slogan on a t-shirt that we wear but never read. Does God even HAVE the ability to create something imperfect? Why would he? And simply because we have discomfort about our environments and wonder why we should be subjected to some of the horrors we face and read about every day, does that mean for sure that these circumstances were created imperfectly? If God made one thing perfect, then he made them all perfect. Did he just choose to give perfection to some things and not others? Or worse – is nothing perfect at all? If we were created to become perfection, then like the tree within the seed, that possibility must have ALWAYS existed. In this regard, even the belief that perfection is a goal proves that perfection was actually always the case.

How often does it occur that something which felt awful and uncomfortable at the time proved to be a most valuable moment? Something that you learned from. Something that you grew from. In the beginning was the pain. The loss. But God was there. And as you moved through it and the blinding pain diminished and you began to see a thread of growth emerge... God was there. And when you looked back someday and laughed about it all, God was there. If God’s approval of you is apparent at the end, in retrospect isn’t it doubly apparent at the beginning when things seemed so dark? Have you ever wondered how many tears have been shed for things that were ultimately good for us? If God loves us enough to make joy available to us, then he must love us enough to give us the tools to learn to cultivate that joy. He must love us enough to give us contrasts so that we may make our mistakes and have our sorrows. And learn from ourselves.

God’s perfection to us is that we are self-correcting.

There is no end and no beginning to our growth. We acknowledge in our faith that we are eternal. But that too we treat like an unread t-shirt slogan in that we repeat it but do not think what it implies. We say that God has no beginning and no end. Do we? We say that we have a beginning and an end when we think of our humanity, but we forget to apply that thought of eternalness to our souls and therefore forget to ponder what it means to have an eternal soul. It means that perfection is a state of existence, a fact of our creation and not some destination to dream of visiting without any real belief that it can be ever achieved. So if perfection is not a destination, the only other option is that we must have already arrived.

Perfection is right here, right now. You are perfect in that you are self-correcting. You move through life and learn as you go what feels good and what doesn’t. You make new choices not to put your hand in the fire because you learned that it damaged you. But you healed. Sometimes there is a mark left by the experience, but you healed. And you learned. You are self-correcting. That is the evidence of God’s genius. You already are perfect. Think of how brilliant it is to be something that FIXES ITSELF AS IT GOES ALONG? What have we as humans ever created in all our technology that can fix itself?

In the scope of humanity at large it is also apparent - at least to me - that we are perfect. We have our wars and we have our terror and we have people doing reprehensible things to each other. But does that mean for sure that these things are not perfect as they are? We know that God allows us pain. Does it mean that we are unloved? Or can we for a moment entertain the idea that our free will is the very element that gives us such power. We are free. God gives us the ultimate freedom. We are so free that we can choose bondage. And how often we do. But that, too, is perfect. And God loves us as we suffer ourselves and fall and weep because he knows exactly what those tears mean to the selves we shall become.

We are perfect. And as such we are as worthy of speaking to God as we are of speaking to ourselves. If there is even a difference at all.

When we pray we so often have the glaze of unworthiness covering our every request. With our mouths we say give us peace while in our hearts we chastise ourselves for making war. We think how can we deserve peace? And lo, and behold, peace never comes.

We curse the wealthy because they have what we don’t have and we cut ourselves off from our own natural inclination to abundance in the process. Our expressed desires are different from what we’re actually thinking. We say we need money, God, give us what we need. You say to ‘ask and ye shall receive.’ I’m asking, but not getting! It’s because you’re forgetting to really believe you’re worthy of it. It’s because you’re expressing your desires, but not believing they’re possible. It’s because you believe that there is a distinction between what God wants of us and what we want for ourselves. There is no distinction. We want to be happy and God wants us to be happy. The only one convincing you otherwise is you.

If you really believed that you were worthy of winning a million dollars and had no self-doubt that it was possible, it would be waiting for you on the table by the time you got home. But how many obstacles to really having that belief exist between you and the cash? Well, there’s “statistics”, for one. We love our statistics. They console us for not believing in ourselves! Odds of winning 1:1,000,000. Whew! That’s a relief. It saves me from having to actually believe it might happen! Even though we know there’s a 1, we assume that we must be somewhere among the million other self-doubters.

Our thoughts poison our abundance and our natural inclination to balance at every turn. How many of you would like to lose weight? We think "I must lose weight. Help, me God, to lose weight." What do you think the Universe is going to respond to? Your thoughts. What are you thinking about in the statement: "I must lose weight"? You’re thinking about losing weight, right? But in that sense, Ask and Ye Shall Receive dictates that since you’re not actually asking to BE THIN and are forming the thoughts in your mind of Losing Weight as the ideal circumstance for you to be in – that State of Losing Weight, that is – then God will keep allowing you to lose weight because that is what you have asked for. He’ll keep on giving you weight to lose! Ask and ye shall receive.

Now, how many people do you know that lose weight only to put it back on again? Over and over? What do you think their thoughts are? I bet their thoughts are not about seeing themselves as being happy and balanced with bodies that naturally conform to that reality.

What else might this concept apply to?

God wants us to be happy. He wants us to figure it out that everything is available to us. That we are immeasurably powerful and can GIVE OURSELVES anything that we could wish for. Anything that we can imagine and believe to be our birthright. Our immense power is our birthright. Our ability to self-correct is our gift. Again, we are so free that we can choose bondage. Ask and ye shall receive. Ask whom? If we are fragments of God, then together we ARE God. If we are the descendents of Source, then our true essence – hampered only by our own fears and self-judgments – must be immeasurably powerful. If only we get the heck out of our own way.

I found out about a study a few years ago that started me thinking about the power of thought intention. There’s a film called “What the Bleep Do We Know” about quantum physics and the way thought changes a material environment. In the film, a study by Dr Masaru Emoto in Japan is illustrated. Dr. Emoto took water samples from the same dam and bottled them. Then he directed energetic intentions at them in a variety of ways. Some were rayed over, some were blessed. Mostly he played music at them like Mozart or heavy metal music or taped short statements like I love you or you make me sick to the bottles. Then he froze samples of the water exposed to each intention and examined the crystalline structure under a microscope. The results were startling - look him up on the internet and you'll see what I mean. The crystal structures responded to thought and formed in astonishing ways.

No hocus pocus. Thought changed the environment of the water and freezing it made those differences visible. There have been other studies that have shown that blessing an object actually aligns the molecular structure. I couldn’t tell you how they proved it, but it doesn’t surprise me that it’s true.

So what does that imply? It sounds like the rudimentary basis of some really powerful thinking. We’re made of how much water? If taping the words You Make Me Sick on a bottle can produce a crystalline structure that actually resembles a virus, what must thoughts of unworthiness do to your body? Our bodies are mostly water. If you’re directing thoughts of Boy, I’m Fat at yourself, what do you think is happening to you because of it? But if you’re directing thoughts of Damn, I Look Good what do you think is happening? You body says, FINALLY I can get some peace. Okay you guys over there start getting in order, she’s finally figured it out! Keep thinking good, lady, and we’ll keep working on that being true! Don’t give up!

Our thought language is the single determining factor in the success of our prayers. You may recite The Lord's Prayer or The Rosary, or Kaddush, the Buddhist Gonyos - unless you're thinking about what you hope to accomplish by them and NOT sabotaging those thoughts in the process - they cannot manifest. If you're saying a Rosary to help your son get an A on his history final and as you do, you worry that he isn't applying himself - or even worse - that he isn't intelligent enough, how can that help? You need to be thinking about his success, not your concern for his failure. Ask and Ye Shall Receive.

Be well. Think well. Live well. I am rooting for you.

The album is proceeding nicely, of course. I'm getting a lot of good feedback and I'm seeking private investors currently with 'magical minds' to complete the project in the fall.

This Sunday, I'll be performing a selection of patriotic music as part of the regular Sunday worship service at Rollstone Congregational Church, 199 Main Street in Fitchburg. I'll be singing "God of Our Fathers", "America, the Beautiful" and the full four verses and story behind "The Star-Spangled Banner". These are songs that I just love and I'm thrilled to have an opportunity to sing them in such a beautiful place as the main acoustic sanctuary at Rollstone.

AND BEGINNING IN LATE JULY... I'll be appearing every Tuesday and occasional Saturdays at Fitchburg's brand new premiere martini jazz club, Destaré, with my full band. I'll be singing both jazz standards as well as my original material. Visit www.Destare.com for more info about the club.

In beautiful San Francisco today. Weather is perfect and good things are happening with the debut album... thank you all for your wonderful and constructive support. As my debut album project nears it's final snowballing, I'm thinking about the chapter in my life in which it is being created... These past three years developing the album have been an amazing experience. To think three years ago I didn't even know I could write music at all. Now I have a music publishing company and have an amazing business partner (I do the art and he does the finances - good call ;) and a literal STAFF of people who have boarded this colorful ship of ours. The NightStar Group is the loving brainchild of my business partner and friend, Bruce D. Lawrence. He was among my first fans as a vocalist and gave me all of my first real opportunities as such. I'd sang the Anthem a few times for the Red Sox at Fenway Park by the time Bruce and I met and he'd suggested to me that I might be able to perform it for our local professional symphony, the Thayer Symphony Orchestra, at their annual 4th of July fireworks concert. He was the president of the TSO Board at the time. One thing led to another and the anthem singing was abandoned in favor a full headline act in their regular season. Their 30th anniversary season, in fact. On Valentine's Day, 2004 I made my symphony debut. It was a debut of two things actually. The other was the very first perforance of the very first song I ever wrote, "Please Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone". Having never written a song before, I was a bit apprehensive about performing it for the sold-out audience of over 1000. Plus I had nothing but a dippy piano part that I'd composed myself. The part itself wasn't bad, necessarily, but I only have a high school clarinet-level musical theory education. So it was a tough part fo follow, and worse, I was initially too chicken to put it in my set without orchestration and so I'd cut the number during rehearsals. But come concert day, I really wanted to do it anyway and so the maestro gave me permission to add it to the set. I could run through it with their concert pianist, Mr. Allan Mueller, before the concert. "He always arrives at least a half hour before, so you can go over it a few times." But this time Mr. Mueller arrived at the union-appointed time of only a few minutes prior to downstroke. I only had time to tell him about the problem areas and apologize for my lack of arranging skills. Mr. Mueller was not only an excellent pianist, he handled the sophomoric score with acquiescing grace. I know it was difficult for him to play, but he only complimented the song and never criticized the arrangement. So it was performed for the very first time - without rehearsal - in front of a thousand people. No pianist had ever looked at the chart before - it could have been a disaster. I'd only played it on my computer and while the path was correct, it was not done at all peroperly. For musicians I'll tell you this: I never modulated in the ket signature because my free download arranging program didn't let you do it - you had to get the pay version. And I modulated FIVE times. The whole thing was written in C and used accidentals to change key. THAT'S what I put Mr. Mueller through in front of a sold-out house. And he STILL handled it with grace and went on to orchestrate a beautiful 24-minute suite of music from West Side Story for me the following year. I guess there were no hard feelings. And the audience we're far from perturbed as well. The song literally stopped the show. I couldn't believe it. To be honest, I'd thought I was losing them about half way through. But the huge prolonged applause I received debuting so many things at once - in my hometown, of all places - still gives me a bit of a lump in my throat. It all just progressed from there...

And now I'm on the verge of the next chapter of my life... and a great life it is.

Today I am going into a monastery for a week of silence and meditation. I've never taken a vow of silence before (certainly there mare MANY who have actually laughed out loud at the very IDEA of me being quiet). In fact, as a child I can remember being terrified at the idea of being a cloistered monk. I can't imagine what about the idea frightened me; there was certainly no danger of being forced to become one or anything. But I distinctly recall the apprehension. But now as I get older, I have increasingly found myself drawn to having the experience. I don't want to become a monk, per se. But I definitely can percieve the value in taking a week's reflection time. I will be staying at the Most Holy Trinity Monastery of Maronite Monks in Petersham, Massaachusetts about an hour from my home. I'm not Catholic - or even particularly religious as much as Spiritual, but it is irrelevant to them. I won't have any phone/internet/tv during my 7-day stay. I'm planing to keep a journal of my time there since many have expressed an interest in knowing how my experience goes... I'll keep you posted.

The best part about being a grownup is being able to eat french fries and cake for breakfast whenever you want to.

I want Clarion to be more than a support vocal group. I want everyone who is involved in the company to be in Clarion. I want Clarion to be a school. A place where people’s lives are made better and richer for having been a participant. Being in Clarion is most definitely a paying gig, don’t get me wrong. But I think an employer should enrich their company members’ lives as well as their wallets.

For example, I was talking on the phone today with my lighting designer Cat Robinson. She’s a hot shit and is very dedicated to my business philosophies. In her case, the educational element of her department would eventually be that together we’d hire the best lighting designers; ones that Cat really is impressed by and from whom she would most like to learn. Cat is the Lighting Designer for the company per se, but she would most likely be also acting as Lighting Director for the company when there are other designers present. The buck would stop with her, but she’d have the opportunity to work with the best and participate in the Art of Others in a way that most designers rarely get to once they start to make it on their own. An artist needs constant input from their peers regardless of the art form. So it becomes a win/win situation because we will give her something far less tangible and far more valuable than just her paycheck. Something that only working for a company who believes in the overall satisfaction of its members could create. Not to suggest that I would offer this as a way of paying less. Quite the contrary.

Another example is our Director, Russell Garrett. He is a successful and critically-acclaimed professional theatre director, choreographer and Artistic Director as well as my partner. In Russell’s case, he will work with young up-and-coming directors as well as collaborate with other directors on our projects as much as his own career allows. And you can follow this thread through each department; vocalists, musicians, arrangers, set designers, administration, and maintenance. Every single one of these is absolutely no less important to the overall picture. In fact, sometimes I think I love custodians best.

Working for me is like a marriage. It’s a commitment that requires communication to be effective. It requires actual love. God forbid there should be love in the office. Well why not? If I can love someone just because they’re a human being – which we all should – why can’t I love my employees? Why can’t I care about their needs and their concerns personally, if possible? It means that I care about how their divorce is going and when their kid gets the lead in the play. I’ll care. I won’t remember all facts all the time, but I want everyone to feel that we can share our lives together. We’ll be spending so much time together, we should always feel like we’re working for family.

As a parent of this family, I want to make sure that everyone is being given the proper tools to mature and grow. I want to make sure that they all have proper health and dental care; even veterinary insurance, if necessary. I want to encourage them to take classes – any classes. And I’ll pay for half of it. If they go back to school to become a dental hygienist and ultimately leave my employ, I still want to pay for half of it. My goal in life is happier, better educated, and highly enriched people. If I can help a person become fulfilled in any way, I will do it. So what if they’re doing it to leave? They’re moving up in their lives and I’d be partly responsible! What could be better than that? Money should be spent, not horded. And that person who was benefited by this concept will spread it around, you can be sure. That’s not the kind of ripple that goes without effect. Just imagine how many people they would talk to about it? About how there is a company that is capable of deeper thought to human profitability as opposed to just financial?

I want to be a company that would do business based on the concept that abundance is the natural result of simultaneously following your dreams and reacting to the need within your own sight. Follow your dreams and help your fellow man. Pursue what skills or arts come naturally to you without resistance (which is HARD) and abundance will be the natural result. And with that success comes a greater social responsibility. We all must be socially-conscious (as opposed to societally-) but our actual scope of responsibility is limited to our literal view of it. Once the view becomes wider, so does the responsibility.

And with success comes the time of deciding what to do with it and how to maintain it. Be selfish. Want more. And if you dig deeply to find the source of your own needs you’ll find that they are exactly the same as everyone else’s. You’ll realize that if you want to learn, you’ll need to teach someone else. That the real way to actual success is through Ethics. You’ll realize that to be truly selfish, you have no choice but to improve your world. What are your needs? You want a healthy planet to live on? Don’t litter. Pick a more economic car and by hybrids and electric when possible. Make a few good choices. You don’t have to live the life of a hippie to make better small choices in life. Like taking the stairs instead of the elevator. If you want a happy family, you have to see to their needs. Even if it means playing the bad guy sometimes. To get what you want, you have to do what’s truly best for everyone else. Most people feel that selfishness is about being mean or stealing or similarly “selfish” acts. But that’s not the case. Those acts are not acts of selfishness. They are acts of fear. If they were truly selfish, they wouldn’t be able to steal.

So for my company, I’m going to be selfish. I want to live better too. And I think the only way to go about it is to have faith that if I do the right things and enrich the lives of the people with whom I come into contact, I will ultimately have all the abundance I’ll ever need and not a farthing more.

Perhaps I can’t have everything that I want. These are strictly my ideas about which I have consulted few. Maybe some things are just not feasible when you come down to it. But it won’t be for a lack of my trying, I can tell you that. I’ve been thinking about these things since I was in elementary school and I very much want them to be so. I believe in them. I know that the right way to keep a plant growing is to keep the soil well fertilized and well loved. Fruit in abundance is the only natural result of careful cultivation. And if the soil is selfish enough, it will inherently know that the better it provides for the plant, the better it ultimately provides for itself.

What is a religious act? Is it the same thing as an act of religion? I am not a Christian any more than I am a Buddhist. I believe in the core teachings of both faiths. And they are different chapters in the Book of Life. Not opposing viewpoints. They are both valuable guides. As are all faiths. Especially those with whom you most violently disagree. It is in those faith expressions that we stand to gain the real insights into what we find valuable in having a relationship with the great I Am. What is God? From the limited humanized perspective I have, I would say it is probably not untrue that God is the sum total of all things and all thoughts. The scope is unknowable to me, but the idea is simple enough to comprehend even from the most narrow idea. If God were complicated, then he would be unknowable to us. It is in the simplicity of God that we gain access.

Ironically, the concept of Satan is a lie. In fact, I feel quite safe in saying that neither Satan nor Evil exist at all. ‘Evil’ and ‘Satan’ are merely words used to relinquish responsibility for our actions. The concept of ‘Satan’ is a scapegoat. This is not a new argument. However, the idea that ‘evil’ doesn’t really exist is so contrary to popular thought that the very idea would be attributed to the existence of both evil and Satan. What of Hitler? Are you saying the he wasn’t evil? I am. But I think its important to mention that to suggest someone is ‘evil’ is to say that they actually have no motivating factors other than to create evil and no motive beyond that. It is to say that nothing brought them to the choices they made and that is simply not logical to me. I may not be able to make my case successfully here, and I’m sure that this discussion is not over, but if I’m correct, that fact will not change simply because my argument is flawed. Truth is truth no matter what we believe.

If God is love and God represents the totality of The All, then how can a real being called Satan – who is entire modus operandi is to un-do the Whole, be a part of that? And what purpose does it serve? It’s like deliberately giving yourself a defective liver when you have the forethought to know the implications. If God is All and all that God created has purpose, what purpose could Satan serve in the Whole? It’s more logical to me to think that All resides in Us. All possibilities. All choices. That the concept of Satan is designed to represent the negative choices we make, not be some horned real life ersatz creator of Negativity. If something else is attempting to control us, we can always say that Satan made us do it. And then the greatest part of the entire tragic situation from which we are meant to learn is lost: The Lesson. For how can we learn from our mistakes if we don’t have to take responsibility for them? How can we possibly take ownership of our lives when we attribute every thing we do to the control we give to God and the Devil for our every day acts? If we are the creatures of Free Will that we think we are, why do we even need Satan?

Satan is the name we have given to represent the source of a negative choice made in free will. And we haven’t yet come to terms with that amount of responsibility. But it’s coming. Awareness is the first stage and as indicated by the shift in consciousness in the last century resulting in Greenpeace, PETA, and many other environmental groups. We may disagree with their tactics or motives but we understand what they want. And they are the engine that is teaching us what we want. Because we suddenly have to make a decision about whether or not we think they’re crackers. We suddenly have to make a decision about our opinion in a matter that had been unthought-of only decades before. The thought paradigm now exists and we can build from that. Ecological awareness is the first step and it’s a logical one. It is our bio-chemical foundation and the source of every atom in our bodies. We first learn to walk by focusing on our planet – where we can successfully avoid pointing anything more than a cursory finger at each other since we are all at fault – and then we can learn to look up at each other. We’ll sow the fields and scatter the good seed on the land.

Satan is a myth – a necessary social/spiritual engine, yes – but a myth that I believe has mostly finished serving its purposes: to help cultivate an environment where we are made to think about what we believe. It is a comfortable leaping point from which we are able to comprehend our greater involvement in the whole. The concept of God and Satan are necessary because for centuries we could not reconcile the idea of a benevolent god that could produce tragedy. But that’s only because we weren’t thinking of his as someone who truly wants what’s best for us, not necessarily what most pleasant. Its further proof that we are loved. But until the recent age, we were completely incapable of seeing benevolence in loss. But we have grown and there is room for the seed of understanding to grow about what real love is. And Satan is nothing more than a symptom of a multiple personality disorder that we have imposed upon God in order to begin to comprehend him; in order to cope with our deliberate and terrifying lack of understanding.

The gods become fewer as civilization grows. The gods and their religions become reflective parts of our planet’s historic culture to be looked toward for comfort, guidance and for information about who we were and are. And based on our own soul’s history with any one of these religions, some rituals that are long out of date may prove comforting on the soul level. A familiar remembrance. So while we are in time shedding our dependence on these entities and simply loving them as a part of us, we can still love the teachings of our religions as a familiar language to the same overall concept: GOD. And the Christian God is similarly eschewed in this process too. It is only happenstance that the Christian word for the One God is the same as the word for OUR One God. But they are not the same thing. The Christian God is an early monotheistic concept of who or what The Source probably really is, but the Christian God is still a god.

When the idea of Satan becomes illogical to us, we will begin to ask from whence the choices come. If not from some evil entity that’s MAKING me do bad things (which is odd considering GOD can’t even make you do something – Free Will kind of precludes definitive outside influence), then who’s pulling the strings? Wait, where’s my strings?!? Hello.

What do you think really happens when you die? Do you feel that you go to heaven and sit at the right hand of God for all eternity? I’m not suggesting that that’s not what happens. I think that what we are told in the bible represents some limited perspective of the actual truth. Sometimes I wonder why we question so much the act of putting some thoughtful context into our dogma. We accept rote answers simply because we forget that it’s ok to examine our faith. We forget to ask about what is really happening here. The question of Why are we here? is constantly on our lips, yet rarely uttered. We don’t think we will get answers, so we don’t really ask the questions.
But, when we examine our individual faith, it gives that faith life and meaning. To look toward God and say I actually want to know you. I want to know how you work. How this all works. Don’t just ask other people how God works, you need to ask him yourself as well. Get some corroborating evidence. And pay attention for the answers that you will most certainly get. They will come if you decide on a common language.
So when I ask what do I really think happens when I die? I begin to wonder exactly what ‘sitting at the right hand of God for all eternity’ means? And I assume, without sarcasm, that this is our reward and must be of tremendous value since we sure go through a lot to get there and it had better be good. Good enough for all eternity, anyway. So “sitting at the right hand”, quite possibly means being “the right-hand man”. The one who does the doing. The soldier on the front line. The student in the class. The tiller of the soil. The Shepard of the Flock. Why would that talent and passion for the task end simply because we’ve passed from this particular expression of it? I think it goes on. I think a healer is a healer and a teacher is a teacher. How much more useful are these vocations after a full lifetime of study in the subject? Isn’t that why we go to graduate school when we find that we have a passion for something? Something that we know we’re good at? Better than others – even contrary to our own heredity – for no explainable reason?
We know school is hard. We know that there will be tests we’ll fail and we’ll just work harder, won’t we? And we’ll choose to be there in school, difficult or not, because we believe in the outcome. We participate in the lesson because we are not built to do otherwise. We use God’s gift of Free Will not to shirk our duties, but to face them. To learn from them. And best of all, we co-created this lesson plan and somewhere inside ourselves we already know all the right answers.
What do we think about when pressed to describe our soul? Can you describe your soul to me? What is it like? Is it pretty? How could it not be? It must gleam like mother of pearl. It must be large. Like a house. And when it sees another soul it hugs so deeply that they practically merge. And quite possibly they do literally merge. After all, we do. Is the only part of lovemaking the humanity of it? The body? Does the soul have no part in sex? Well, I’m sure it would take no convincing of any of you that when there is a bond between people , they are connected on a much deeper lever than that of our physical bodies alone. What of soul mates?
We believe that in Heaven we are reunited with our soul mates. We believe, without quite articulating it, that we have some sort of eternal relationship with them that must be expressed differently there than it is here on Earth. That we are different. Well, of course we’re different. We don’t have our bodies anymore, right? We believe that we are reunited with our soul mates in the same conditions where we knew them before we were even born. Wherever that place is where our souls reside before we’re born is probably very much like the place where they end up after the fact – it’s probably the exact same place. Why would the innocent perfect soul of a child deserve a lesser origin? Even if not lesser, why even a different one? Is there segregation in Heaven? Is it categorized? I don’t buy it.
We are created with intent. We are beings with a sense of purpose at the soul level. With thought and design and love. We were created in his own image, were we not? But to what end? We know we must have purpose. We spend our lives seeking it and those who miss theirs go mad for the searching. In a grief that is too painful to understand, they slowly poison themselves from the inside out. We watch it happen every day. We see depression and alcoholism and consume in large quantities any number of things we love because of the harm they can do to us. Our purpose is the engine that drives our soul.

We are very much beings of purpose.

Is it then so much of a stretch to conceive that this Greater Purpose infused in us by God himself, would remain as part of the soul even after it has left the body? God didn’t ingrain the body with purpose. The body is ingrained with all the stuff that our soul abhors! Filthy, smelling, rotting things bodies. Just look at us. Some times it’s just disgusting. And it’s still just plain trouble at even the best of times. No, we are merely the human expressions of our soul’s overall individual purpose. We represent in our lives, the expression of our souls.
Wayne Dyer – who may have been quoting someone else – said, “We are not human beings having spiritual experiences, we are spiritual beings having human experiences.”
Our individual existences – the lives we lead and the obstacles we face – are the indicators of our soul’s overall purpose. Our Soul’s Vocation. Our jobs. What we do. Who we are. Teacher. Priest. Artisan. Healer. Warrior. Sage. It's not a job that we go to, it's a job that we ARE. It's more than just WHO we are. It's a job THAT we are.
Does God go to work? I would imagine that God pretty much IS his job. If we are created in his image, how much of him do we resemble? What percentage? It doesn't say we were created in 'part' of his image. And if we are EXPRESSIONS of his work, might this not have purpose in mind? So we are, at the Soul Level, the expression of God's overall purpose. And not just purpose for us individually, but purpose for all. And what might we do with such a grand commission?
Well, we’d probably want to learn everything we can on the subject. Really get involved. Work in the field. Get our hands dirty. Experience disease that we may be better healers. Take the class that we may one day teach it. Lose our way so that we can one day guide the ways of others.
I think we very much are here to learn. I believe that we stood in line to be here. I believe that we chose the difficult lives we journey. And the tough classes we sign up to take. In appropriateness and love, I believe that we make the hard choices and get our hands dirty because we know it has value. And I know that if we embrace our school and our education, we just may see God’s love in the most unexpected of places.

Delivered at the commencement ceremony for NEADS (dog training school for the deaf and disabled) of Princeton, MA

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal. That we say it is a self-evident fact means that we acknowledge that it is inherently true and cannot be contested. We usually limit the meaning of this statement to include a discussion regarding civil rights and basic humanities. But out equality goes much deeper than just that. It is an equality that runs the full breadth and width of our individual existences. “…all men are created equal.” That when we are made we are given the same basic tools from which to build a life and learn from it.  In this equality we are given to understand too that we are also each allotted the same size proverbial “ton of crap” to deal with in life. Do you know how big an actual ton is? 2,000 pounds. Well, I don’t know about you, but this particular container only holds about 165 pounds. Most of the time. Ok, some of the time. Regardless, I can’t carry 2,000 pounds of life’s burdens, obstacles, opportunities and victories all by myself – nor do I want to. I need help. I want help. You need help. You need help. [joking] You definitely need help.
We frequently look at the people we help in this world as “less-fortunate” than ourselves. How god are they who help the less-fortunate. But… if we are created equally, we can see that we each of us have our own disabilities. We every last one of us have elements that keep us from doing the things we want—or need. Things that keep us all from moving or from seeing or hearing. We all have these obstacles in one form or another in our lives. Some disabilities are emotional and some are physical and those who overcome these obstacles are as shining examples of walking when stillness seemed prescribed by God. It is these “less-fortunate” of us who are our teachers and whom we serve in kind whether we know it or not.
For it is we who are being served. Our teachers are not less fortunate. They are quite differently fortunate.
And we are very much here in service to each other  and would do well to remember that. We would do well to say to each other often “You can do it. I believe in you. Carry On”.
The song you are about to hear with the following presentation, I wrote for reasons I didn’t quite understand. I am still in fact learning about them. I am a public servant. By this, I mean to say that I perceive the inherent value to my self-worth in serving the needs of others. This is natural to me. I know for a fact that nearly all of you here understand personally the call of which I speak. It would be preaching to the converted to stand here and tell you to be more involved, to serve, to give. These things you already know and practice. What I would hope to give you today is what I needed myself when I wrote this song. I needed a motivational manual for the civic-minded. I needed a thing to inspire me for the days when I have that “not-so-inspirational” feeling. Helen, do you ever have that not-so-inspirational feeling? Why, yes, Marge I do. If only there were an over-the-counter product for that! We all need to know that we are none of us all that different from one another; no matter what problems we have. We all need to know that it’s ok to just run out of steam sometimes. That our burdens are heavy. That whether we see or don’t see, if we choose not to listen or are too afraid to move; when we say to ourselves “please God, not another committee!” We must then remember to look to the very hand we feed for the sustenance to carry on.
Thank you.